Sunday, January 27, 2008

After the Rs, here comes the Js, and an N!

Ok, this post is long wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy overdue....

I know, I know.

No excuses.

Bt.... I really really am bz!



Since the title of this post is "After the Rs, here comes the Js, and an N!", I will give a brief summary of it.



Ok, if u noe my love life (or the lack of it!) u will noe dat my lil black book will contain a lot of names starting with the letter R! I tot the last R in my life ever will be that well-known mr mat sensitip, bt heck no! Turns out my Jonet, m J, is Rafli! Making it another R!!!!! Wassup wif me n all the Rs man!!!



N wait a min! u haf to see this, they r all R.A!



Noeing that my jonet is no longer jonet is such a turn off! I prefer his jonet to his rafli. dunno y! wanna noe another turn off? apparently his now modelling! ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! turn off big time!



ok2, i said before that there's this cute guy at fish n co rite? yup, cute!!!!!!!!!!
long story short, we were flirting, n i haf this huge crush on him until he told me his 20!
WTF!!!!!!!!

Ok2, i've always known he's younger, bt i din expect him to be dat young! I mean, first jonet's like 21, now nadzrul's like 20! n yeah, he's name is nadzrul..... *ooohhhh.... droooolllll*

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 11:36 AM

Batam Trip wif an ex-bestfren

I went to Batam on the 12th of January 2008!
Finally!
After soooooooooo long!
I think almost a yr huh?
Well, it was pay day, and a saturday, so definitely i took the chance to go!
Plus, I promised Atiqah to get her 'supplies' from Batam...
yup, a yr supply dat became at least 2 yrs supply of.... none other than... Ms Sanitary Pads!!!
Hahahahahahaha!
Mesti org ingat giler kapa, g jauh2 beli pad..
well.. like wat atiqah said, "thr r pads in auckland, bt spore is cheaper.. bt batam is wayyyyyy cheaper!"
n its true u noe!
And... i've been wanting for a proper massage!!! Lika for ages!!!

But, since ur fren here dun really haf any frens, and all of her so-called frens backed out at the very last min, she had no choice bt to go alone....

Bt dat din happen either, coz my ex-bestfren came.
Yup, dat ex-bestfren.
My family members were very much perplexed at how n y did i go wif her.
Well... we did say, we r going to try it out.. n i noe it'll be wayyyyyyyy hard to be like before... i dunno if dat'll ever happen, bt we'll start off being frens.

i tot it was gonna be awkward seeing her for the first time after soooooo long n spending a day together in a foreign land. n i tot i mite juz cry wen i see her. i tot a million other tings. i tot wat if wen i see her n i feel nuthing n i noe dat we cnt even be frens animore. wat if this, wat if dat.
questions, questions, questions!

moment of truth came!

n surprise, surprise! i felt nuthing. no emotional anything.
it was very normal. like we were nvr apart, bt at the same time, nvr bestfrens.
it was like juz meeting up wif an old gd fren.

bt lemme tell u sumthing, it was great meeting her n catching up. it was great to reminisce moments. it was nice. it was fun.

n surprise, surprise, she ask me to ajak her again, n next time stay overnite thr. i suggested planet holiday n holiday inn. n we mite juz go for hols again together, juz like the gd old days.

aniwei, we met again on a tues, for late dinner on tues 15th jan. the nite dat atiqah flew off. after sending atiqah i went to meet her n we went to fish n co. wic will lead all of u to another post!

watch out for that one!

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 11:36 AM

Sunday, January 20, 2008

All About Me In a Para

It says:



You are sometimes a very energetic person, but you are sometimes quite lethargic. You're moody, prone to ups and downs, and you don't have a lot of endurance.You range from very outgoing to very shy. You are a shapeshifter who is very versatile. You adapt well, and you look at things from many angles.You are very detail oriented and meticulous. You are a careful thinker and a true intellectual.You need a bit of space in your life, but you're not a recluse. You expect people to give you a small amount of privacy, and you respect their privacy as well.You are conservative, old fashioned, and a little stubborn. You are resistant to change.You are a good communicator. You work hard to get your ideas across effectively.



I say: Wow! Dat's very close!

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 12:02 AM

Monday, January 07, 2008

O.V.E.R

*This post has been written more then 3 weeks ago, fyi. So yani, thr u go, i finally published the post!*

It is 2008 now. Meaning it has past 2007.


Remember my quote "dec 31st, 2359. u haf till den."


dat was dedicated to mat sensitip.




wen i said it, i meant it. n dat was b4 KL. bt aft KL and even after meeting his mum n family n suddenly tinking abt wat Allah wanna show me, and finally accepting him, should he be the one for me, i still meant my words.



u mite ask me y? u mite judge my actions n u cn carry on accuse me of being impatient, insensitive and unloyal. bt i had enuff. i had enuff of this tarik-tali game dat i noe cn last forever if both of us permits it. i m sick of waiting for i dunno wat. enuff is enuff.



i m a veteran n professional at dis game. i went through it so many times dat i stop counting. i hate waiting, praying, hoping and wishing. coz at the end, i m the one left wounded. i deserve better. so much better. i tink i finally realise n come to my senses. i dun care if nobody loves me. i should learn to love myself. dats more important. n i m worth so much more den any of those idiots.

n its nt like i love him or anything... i dun even like him dat way... for sooo long, i've been forcing myself to, juz because ppl keep telling me to... bcoz according to the lot, i m fussy, i m choosy. WAT THE HECK?! HOW CN I B CHOOSY? I M NT CHOOSY, ITS JUZ DAT I M NT CHOSEN!

Bt wateva. I gaf it a shot. Tried to open up my heart. and mind, definitely. Coz like i always said, he's sooooooooooo not my type, in terms of physical and den character. Bt i tot, y nt. put in sum effort n maybe it cn werk out. I'll gif it to him, he did sumtimes make me smile, he did sumtimes make me happy. Bt most of the time, he made me angry, pissed off, irritated, n desperate. I ges it was a mismatch frm the start.

To cut the story short, on the 2nd day of New Year, he asked me sum werk related stuff. WAIT! He called, sms, left missed calls for sum werk related stuffs. WOW! N if u r wondering, that's the only way we communicate nowadays. Bcoz of werk. If nt, he juz cldnt be bothered. of coz, i'm pissed. bt i m also a patient person. bt this time, since i made my vow, i told myself, stop pretending, sumtimes he has to haf it.

no, I din slam the fon or anything, coz its werk related. i m professional. he wants my help. he gets my help. so at night, while in class, he text me. (ok... i cnt really remember the exact words, bt its as close as wateva it really is)

him: Thanks for your help again today.
me: yeah... its ok.... i ges i try to help whenever n whrever i cn...
him: sorry for constantly bothering you n asking your help.
me: no worries... at the very least, dats the only way i get to hear frm u...

20 MINUTES LATER...... (btw, he's always like dat. wen he doesnt wanna answer, or he feels 'cornered' or 'trapped' he juz ignore. so i ges he took 20 mins to figure wat to say)

him: don't say that. You cn always sms me.

(n here i m thinking... WAT THE FUCK?!)

me: bt isnt it true D? I dun hear frm u at all. Yes, i cn always sms, bt no, u never reply. Sumtimes i wonder wat xactly is happening n if u even like me the way u n others say/assume.

N as expected he din reply. Wen i was abt to send this msg, i noe, this will totally step on his head lah. he's an xtremely sensitive person, i tink the most sensitive i've met in life, n he's a guy summore! any single werd anybody utter to him is always taken as a negative remark, n den he will feel pushed, cornered, trapped, bla bla bla.. n den start acting like an oxy-moron. trust me the whole community at my werkplace noes abt this n his perangai. heck, they noe him way before i do. so of coz they noe his attitude. n dats y i keep getting ppl saying, he's attitude is like datlah, u must be patient. n this comes frm ppl who wants to matchmake me n him, from ppl who doesnt even noe wats on, frm ppl who noes he likes me.

so wen he din reply i m thinking 'hmm.... so typical of u...' n den 3 hrs later... i received a text, wif his name on it. so i went..."okkkkkkkkkkkk kin.. u r soooooooooo getting it... he bloody took 3 hrs to tink of the best payback issit?"

him: i want frenship. u haf been led on by others thinking dat i want more. is it my fault den?

(aft reading his msg, i wanted to laugh my ass off man! wat the fuck is he talking abt? frenship? i was like... god D, cn u be more lame then dat, n more egoistic den dat too?)

me: no, its nt. Bt i'd appreciate it if u made it clear frm the start n mayb even clarify tings wif the others.coz on ur part, u haf been giving mixed signals.

him: well, now u noe. as for the others, i dun c the need to explain to them anything. You'll tell them everything anyway.

N DIS WAS THE PART I GOT SUPER BLOODY FUCKING PISSED OFF! WAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!!!! I'LL TELL ALL OF THEM ANYWAY??????!!!!!!! THIS IS WAT HAPPENS WEN U HAF A KAYPOH COMMUNITY LIVING WIF U N HER COMMUNITY MEMBERS R LINKED WIF THE COMMUNITY MEMBERS IN MY SCHOOL. THEY SPREAD, THEY ASSUME N THEY SPREAD IT AGAIN, N YES, I M TO B BLAMED AT THE END OF THE DAY.

WAT SHIT, I ALWAUS M BLAMED AT THE END OF THE DAY. N ITS FUCKING NT FAIR.

me: wat the hell r u trying to imply by saying that i'll tell dem everything?!!!! its unfair of u to be judging n accusing me! wat? u think i saja2 menjaja2 crita psl u n me?! if its anything, i m the one who wants it to be low profile! u r the ones who keep telling the teachers shit stuff n putting me at a spot!

him: well, then they haf played us both. i nvr said anything to dem.

(aft i read this, i was like stop the bullshit lah. god, i even haf proof n witnesses lah if u want, n u believe ur crap? haha, ur ego is dat big huh? i delete his msg n din reply. at that moment, i was fuckingly pissed, bt at the same time, i noe dat i dun haf to say anything. the truth is out there. we both knoe wat happened, wat has been said n done, n wat was nvr said n done. i dun need to defend myself like he is, coz i m nt the guilty one here. plus, given how big ur ego is, u still wun realise the shit u r talking abt, n we will juz be wasting time. n now, i cnt be bothered.)

him: this is y i'm telling you, dun be close to them. deu believe anything they say.

him: in fact, get away frm them. all of them.

him: ppl in sch wants it to happen for the sake of it happening.

(n then i went... huh? wat the shit is dis guy talking abt? he has lots of best frens n very2 gd frens in there. he has 6 god-mummys n now he's telling me that i shld juz stay away frm them coz they r bad? wat the hell is he talking abt? has he lost his senses? he's practically a hypocrite to them!)

so nope... i din reply. funny tho, i tot i wld be sad n depressed, coz my last chnce at finding a guy is now officially over. bt no. mean, yes i was fuckingly pissed at his accusations, i mean who wldnt rite? bt at the same time, i felt relieved. so relieved dat i felt i cld fly! i tink i may haf lost my senses too. i ges for soooooooo long, i've been constantly preparing myself for him. u noe, kena sabar, compromising, giving, bla bla bla bla bla bla, given ihs character n all. n now, wen i realise its nt gonna happen, i felt a burden is lift off me!! yeay!!!!!!!!!!!!! n i ges its gd to noe dat this is finally, officially over. i mean a proper closure. i dun get that wif any of the guys man. i tink he's like the first to haf a proper closure!

n its also at this point i tink to myself, kin, i tink u haf no more emotions for guys lah!


ok... so for all of u who's tinking dat the story is over.... well... nt so fast.

PART 2 OF THE STORY:

on a sunday, ard for days after the big closure, i tink it was on the 6th of jan, or sumting like dat, i went to mustafa ctr wif my family. first time thr. i noe u r thinking, god kin, loser! so every1 was thr except for dad n along, since she's nt family animore (hahaha! juz kidding lah! gotch along!) so we were like pusing n pusing that place n i got like super tired n stoned. u noe how i look like wen i'm stoned. BUSUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! so we were abt to go off wen mahathir wanted to go to the toys section wic is besides the female section which is xactly at the point of link between mustafa n i tink serangoon plaza (i honestly dunno wats the plc name) so mum was sitting down sumwhr looking at the bajus n stuffs n i was ike going round n round the bajus stuff, stoning. i came to look at this baju2 kurung section n contemplate on buying for myself. n den tinking nah.. i've got lots...

n den suddenly, frm the corner of my eyes, i saw this guy walking towards me, smiling. i turn n look bt din see. well.... lets juz say, i'm pretty blind. as in i dun see ppl (nt dat i see dead ppl) n wen i stone... i m very blind. so it din register to me. until he opened up my mouth n said "wat r u doing here?"

aahhhhhhhhhhh... it's him. now i get it. bt surprise, surprise, i wasnt surprise, surprise. i was like, still wif my stone face. so i said " wat r YOU doing here?"

him: i'm wif my frens (bt i dun c anybody), u?

me: i'm wif my mum n family.

him: wat r u doing here still? its late. dun u haf to werk tmr?

for the record, its only 11pm.

me: dun YOU haf to werk tmr?

him: (smiling) well... i cn always get off werk...

me: (i juz gave a smirk n shrug)

him: bt seriously kin, its late. u shld b hm oready. tmr's the start of the week n u'd be tired. n its past 11. rmbr wat i said abt being hm by 11?

me: (i tink this guy is nuts. totally motally nuts! wat the hell is he talking abt? he is acting like everything is normal. he was smiling n grinning widely like mad, like he's happy to find me here, n he's talking abt its late, n my curfew dat he set to b hm by 11 dat i wld nvr haf followed unless he'a my husband! he's crazyyyyyyyyyy! the only normal thing to do is of coz, walked off)

n den i passed by this 2 guys. kids may i add. n den i noe.

me: oh, u rnt wif ur frens. u r wif ur "adik2"

i cn be bitchy if i want to. trust me! i walked over to my mum, tinking, hm.. shld i let her noe... wat do i do? wat do i do????? n den..

me: D, u wanna say hi to my mum?

him: she's here? whr is she? i wanna say hi.

me: (pointing to my mum, he walks over) mum, roydi's here. this is roydi.

my mum had to be classicn turned n he jaws practically drop by 5 inches n her eyes grew to another 5 cm in diameters. i looked at my feet. n tot, wat the hell did u juz do kin?!

him: cik, apa kabar cik? cik sihat? (nt fair! he stole my line!!!!)

mum: sihat alhamdulillah, roydi sihat?

him:alhamdulillah cik, sihat.

mum: dgn siapa? family?

him: tk dgn kwn2.

den amira came to ask my mum sumting, conversations cut (thank god!), he walked over to his 'adik2'. my mum started to smile n grin like mad. n i thought, dear God, y did u haf to do this? y now? n den he had to go coz his adik2 wanted to go to the mustafa ctr side.

him: cik, saya jln dulu ye

mum: yelah, bye!

him: bye. err... kin.... bye! (still smiling widely) i juz put up my hand. i m so stoned i tink waving wil be suc a chore.

there u go. so i've met his family. he met mine. both at n indian plc! hahahahahahahahah!

OK PART 3:

after the whole thing, he always kinda dedicate his msn nick to me. rite aft it happened, his nick said "we wanna hear, what we wanna hear... that's just humans..."

den afetr dat sum shit i cnt remeber, bt after the accidental met at mustafa he din write anything on his msn nick,juz his name. den tings like stressed @ werk, coz usually he'll come to me wen his stress or i'd ask, n den i'll help him out. n den comes one day, he put "andainya kita terus bersama, belum tentu kita bahagia, selagi tidak kau ubah cara hidupmu"

DAT PISSED ME OFF AGAIN! WHO THE FUCK DOES HE THINK HE IS, TO BE SAYING THINGS LIKE DAT! WHO THE HELL IS HE TO JUDGE ME? CARA HIDUP? WATS WRONG WIF MY CARA HIDUP????!

i got pisseed, i tried to ignore, well i did. sum tings happen between jonet n me, n den i wrote a nick dedicated to jonet. bt dats me, i even haf dedication for heath ledger. the late heath ledger... *sob*sob*

n den he says: its like having my heart totally ripped off...

WATEVA! Like i said, he's crazy.

ok, so dats the whole story. i've got other stories tho. i'll publish it later. hopefully it wun take 3 weeks! ;p

ciaoz!

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 10:07 PM

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Letting go of 2007 and Moving on to 2008...

It's here again!
The time of the year, where we celebrate and welcome new hopes for the new year!
And no, I din party. Y? Coz I went clubbing on sat, and regret it very much. Y? I din enjoy it one bit. I was freakingly bored, n ngantuk, n rather go lepak at simpang or wat. Honestly, I m soooo over the stage. I tink i'm old. Old enough to realise that clubbing scene is wayyyyyyyyyy tooooooooo overrated and its nt sumting that I wanna do often. N by often I mean once a few weeks. I soooooooooo rather go watch live band. So nope, this year, I din go for countdown either. I remember going to the foam party yearssssssssss back n din like it, even before it started! n last year, wen i went momo for countdown, i din like it either. wat cn i tell you, i'm juz a natural angel. ;p

So this year, i celebrated new yrs wif my sisters n my darling cuzzies!!! I knoe that they kinda want to celebrate, bt seriously, countdown is nvr my siblings ting. I guess they'll understand wat I mean wen they r older, wiser n a new yr is nuthing bt another day.

So at first we were juz hanging out at my plc for a while and den got ready to go out. While yani meets her 'abang' (jgn mare yani!), the 5 of us went to ramen ten to get the dearly missed sushi. We wanted to go to genki at first actually, bt the place was like packo of the macko so we changed our inds n went to ramen instead. plus, diyana, iqah and nadia haf nvr eaten there. while deciding on the menu, along enlightened us wif 'i'm paying'! woohooo!!! after dat we went to blakang TM to basically leapk n gossip until yani joined us. we had another guest aft dat dat joined us, Mr Roach, so we moved to Mc. We pretty much sat there til after midnite and then along was cold n she wanted to go home so we left wif her. bt after sending her, we went to 7-11 to get sum munchies. pas mandi n gedebak-gedebuk sumer, ard 2.10am we watched along's wedding video. We finally went to bed at ard 4am n woke up at 11 am. After an early lunch, we watched jgn pandang belakang n then the gerls left for hm.

so wat did i tink of my 'new yr celebration?'

I LOVE IT!
i love juz hanging out wif ur favourites n loved ones! n its nt like everyday u get to do this rite? i wish it's like dis all the time. haiz... how growing old is such a sad story...

aniwei,
i have not been making any new yr resolution for the past dunno how many years, for the simple reason of, tk pernah nk buat pun! eksyen jer resolution panjang2, tp buat bodoh. hehehhee...biasalah, manusiakan suka procrastinate!

bt this year, i wanna make resolutions. so that maybe i cn be more focused for 2008 and achieve more things in 2008.

so here goes:

1) be positive: i believe if one is positive, automatically, life is smoother and better, and i sooo need it to be that way.

2) take care of health: this includes, my exercise regime, my drinking of plain water, fruits and veggies.

3) monetary stability: this is hard! i m looking for a 2nd job (rah sayas i'm crazy, bt i say i'm desperate). i intend to really start saving of at least $300 per mth. and i will start by putting in $100 per mth in insurance savings. at least its disciplined kan. i'm paying all sorts of bills dat i wonder if i cn ever live. bt going back to resolution (1), i shall fight my way. 2nd job, please come fast!

4) hardworking: sumting wic i m soooooooooo not. i m intelligent bt damn lazy lah. bt i see that ever since i werk at my werkplace now, i haf no choice bt to be hardworking. the job requires a lot of me. wic is gd. i acually like it.

5) improve love life: ok, dis is like a dead end. i dunno wat to do abt this. n how to do it. bt, i'll start wif unloading my emotional baggage and moving on. i tink if i kip holding onto things wic is clearly a dead end, i will always be at a dead end. so i'll start wif unloading emotional baggage to improve love life.

6)work-study-life-balance: i need a balance in life. the way i see it, i've been too tired werking dat i neglect everything else. so this yr, i m determined to study at least once a week or equivalent to min 4hrs of studying, whichever is higher. n i m determined to jog twice a wk, according to my own pace, and finally i need to at least haf a social life once a wk. n hopefully, i cn do my massages, once a mth, and haf a facial package. n oh ya, travel at least once a year.

7) last bt nt least, my most important resolution - be a better Muslim: i seriously want to be a better muslim. the kind dat i used to be in 2004-2005. well, i dun tink u noe wat i mean, bt i noe wat i mean. i wanna go back to that, at least.it wasnt much, or anything great, at least it was way better than i m now. i dun wanna neglect my religion anymore. its n irony dat i haf so much faith in my religion and in HIM, bt yet, i still fail to carry out my duties, dutifully. i want it to change.

So, that's it guys. My resolution for 2008. I cant wait to move on. Like wen i welcomed 2007 last yr, i told rah dat i had a gd feeling for 2007, i haf kinda same feeling for 2008. i hope it will be better than 2007 though.

To 2007: Thank you for the joys, laughters, tears, pains, responsibilities and love. It was a better yearas compared to the past few years of hell for me. I got a new and stable job in you. I went back to study in you. I met sum1 in you. A cute guy who i haf a crush on reciprocate back in you. I lost a best fren bt got to load off the emotions in you. I managed to be the best wedding planner in Tampines and for year 2007 in you. I went to Bangkok for the first time in you. In short, I had lots of memorable experiences and highlights in you, 2007. Thank you and Farewell!

To 2008: I m looking forward to see wat u haf in store for me. New hopes, new dreams, new goals, new challenges, new life, new love and maybe a new vision. Help me make it a better year, help me be a better person. I welcome you in my life 2008! Welcome!

To all my readers: HAPPY NEW YEAR! MAY 2008 BE A BETTER YEAR FOR ALL OF US!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 4:13 PM